Disclaimer: Dress provided by my friends over at eShakti, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
1. Fashion bloggers have the confidence to take photos of themselves in broad daylight. In like, public. And don’t care that people stare at them. Excuse me while I crawl under a rock because that sounds way more appealing then being the center of attention with a selfie-stick. Or a remote and a tripod. Same difference honestly.
2. And for those fashion bloggers who DON’T use the selfie-stick, they have the charming ability to con a minion into following them all day in hopes of catching the perfect Marilyn Moment. You know what I’m talking about, the iconic “oops-is-my-underware-showing-because-I’m-standing-over-a-subway-grate” pose? Yeah, I know you had to go all day before catching that one singular picture, don’t play me people.
3. Posing. I’m about as interesting as a potato when it really comes down to the anatomy of my selfies. Fashion bloggers are able to make you think that they look that good every. damn. day. They basically vogue while walking down the street and can seemingly never take a bad photo. Nothing makes me angrier then a fashion bloggers Insta because it’s all lies, I tell you!
4. Following up with that posing statement, fashion bloggers always look perfectly put together. Have you ever seen one of ’em look less then a million dollars? Yeah me either, we have a better chance at seeing a unicorn then seeing a fashion blogger in miss-matched socks (but trust me, I’m still looking).
5. Even if a fashion blogger does venture out wearing army pants and flip-flops, she somehow makes it the hot new “thang” and suddenly everyone else is wearing army pants and flip-flops…until I start wearing them and suddenly Goodwill donation bins are filled to capacity with those same army pants and flip-flops. Sigh.
6. I have resting bitch-face. You know that perpetually pensive look that fashion bloggers always seem to be sporting in their beautiful, un-retouched photos? Somehow I lost that battle in the gene-pool (thanks mom and dad!) and instead cause people to cross the street when they see me coming because I look like a grouch even when I’m farting rainbows.
7. I honestly have the most boring closet on the planet, I’m the queen of black/white/navy. If it wasn’t for eShakti sending me this beautiful green dress I promise my entire closet would have remained devoid of any colors. And it’s like they know me or something, because I was able to get POCKETS in the dress! Pockets make everything better and lord knows I love losing my lip glosses in them.
So, while I may never be a fashion blogger I have to give a huge shout-out to eShakti for helping your girl feel like one for a hot second during this photo shoot. Not only was I able to customize my dress in terms of length and pockets, but I was even able to send in my exact measurements to have the dress created JUST for me. Isn’t that special? Each dress that comes from these guys is incredibly high quality 100% cotton, I was able to frolick in the sand pretending I knew what I was doing without sweating my butt off from cheap fabric and it looks damn good on me if I do say so myself.
Head over to eShakti and grab yourself one of these gorgeous dresses, then you can feel like a fashion blogger too!